WEEK ZERO: INTRO MINGLE

[probe]

POPULATION: 37

There's the soft, chiming ding of an elevator as you slowly grow conscious. You remember the sound of a voice whispering in your ear, and then a very gentle, easy darkness as you fell asleep.

Then the elevator jolts, and you promptly ram into some of the thirty or so other people also waking up from their nap. Time to trample people on your way out! Be careful not to rip your flattering outfit with light up furry ears of an animal of your choice. On this elevator there are a total of 10 buttons and they're all lit up! But they don't work. A shame. The elevator doesn't go anywhere else.

In any case, once you exit the elevator, you'll find that you have a decently wide area to explore. There doesn't seem to be any sort of exit to the outside world, but that's okay. You didn't want to leave without what you came for, right? Besides, it's wonderful here: the temperature is perfect, every surface is as soft as clouds, and the atmosphere is so, so inviting. The base itself is low-lit in fluorescent neon colors which shift and pulse over time, and there's a soft, reassuring humming sound under your feet. It would be comforting if you didn't feel like you were being watched every time you walk along the hallways.

But hey, don't worry about that! Maybe you should be more concerned with the phone in your pocket! The phones have a few functions, as well as a low pixel camera. Pictures are in black and white, so no brightly colored selfies for you. Oh, and while you're taking those selfies, you might notice the symbol of your Avatar tattooed and glowing faintly on the back of your hand. Hope you're fine with impromptu body mods.

Eventually during your wandering, you'll find your room with roommates included! On the floor of your room, there is a big gift box with your name on it. Upon opening it, you will be absolutely obliterated with glittery confetti. But once you manage to get past that, the gift box contains the following:

✦ your item from home
✦ a pair of boxer-briefs labeled "ball hammock"
✦ a stress ball that looks suspiciously like a boob
✦ a rainbow bath bomb
✦ a Polaroid camera with 10 instant film
✦ a frozen steak in a vacuum-sealed pouch
✦ a blue and pink dual flashlight; one end has a normal white bulb, and one end has a blacklight bulb
✦ a tiny crown

Welcome to your new home. Take some time to look around, talk to your fellow indulgers. All of you can see each other's symbols on the back of your hands - maybe it'll strike up a conversation. After all, there's no better way to get to know each other than talking about your sins on the first date!

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Comments

[bachelorbored]

What are you going to do with it? Tell me how rare you'll cook it, or I won't let you have it, no matter how cute you are!

[fisherwoman]

[


She licks the steak with this exact expression.]

[bachelorbored]

Aahhh!!

You're crazy!

[fisherwoman]

Go back to the part about how cute I am and I'll forget that you said that!

[bachelorbored]

Ugh, fine, you're hot as hell!

But you still licked a steak! You don't even know if it's A5 wagyu or not! I'm feeling a lot of ways about this whole situation!

[fisherwoman]

[She blinks.]

Does it matter what kind it is? I'm not going to eat it.

[WHAT]

[bachelorbored]

What?!

Why are you going around wasting people's steaks!?

[fisherwoman]

Maybe I can trade it for something later. I don't eat meat.

[she just licked it?]

[bachelorbored]

You want to trade it? Why would you lick it, if you don't even eat meat?

Nothing about what you're saying makes sense. Have you considered not being crazy, and just sticking to hot?

[fisherwoman]

So that you wouldn't take it back! Ah, not that you could... Still, don't call me crazy for that.

[bachelorbored]

Okay then—explain your logic!

[fisherwoman]

Hm? But I just did. What was the part you weren't smart enough to understand?

[bachelorbored]

You still haven't explained why you're expecting to be able to trade hoarded steaks!

[fisherwoman]

Isn’t the better question why you think I couldn’t?

[bachelorbored]

[kaz is at a loss for words, which is genuinely impressive.

so instead of answering, he just

keys in a steak to the vending machine

many steaks, actually

many many steaks

many many many steaks

many many many many many many many many--]

[fisherwoman]

[Once she realizes what's happening, she's immediately grabbing for his hand?? Think of the steak economy??]

Stop!

[bachelorbored]

[she catches his hand, but the other cursed digits finish keying in a [REDACTED] number of steaks, which are now rapidly filling up the kitchen--]

You said you wanted steaks!

[fisherwoman]

When did I say that? I'm not cleaning this up!

[they will have to wade through a sea of steaks to leave the kitchen]

[bachelorbored]

I made them for you! Didn't you want to trade steaks?

[fisherwoman]

Why would I want to trade it for another steak?!

[bachelorbored]

I'm providing you with more steak trading equity!

[the kitchen is full of steaks.]

[fisherwoman]

[She throws a steak at his face.]

[bachelorbored]

[he catches it, and hits the button on the vending machine again

more steaks appear.]

Now do you get it? This is equity! This is equality! The steaks are high!

[fisherwoman]

[She's going to try to physically drag him out of the kitchen.]

[bachelorbored]

Hey!

[her grip is pretty strong

and she's pretty hot, so?

he resists, but not really.]

Jeez, you don't need to drag me!