WEEK ZERO: INTRO MINGLE

[probe]

POPULATION: 37

There's the soft, chiming ding of an elevator as you slowly grow conscious. You remember the sound of a voice whispering in your ear, and then a very gentle, easy darkness as you fell asleep.

Then the elevator jolts, and you promptly ram into some of the thirty or so other people also waking up from their nap. Time to trample people on your way out! Be careful not to rip your flattering outfit with light up furry ears of an animal of your choice. On this elevator there are a total of 10 buttons and they're all lit up! But they don't work. A shame. The elevator doesn't go anywhere else.

In any case, once you exit the elevator, you'll find that you have a decently wide area to explore. There doesn't seem to be any sort of exit to the outside world, but that's okay. You didn't want to leave without what you came for, right? Besides, it's wonderful here: the temperature is perfect, every surface is as soft as clouds, and the atmosphere is so, so inviting. The base itself is low-lit in fluorescent neon colors which shift and pulse over time, and there's a soft, reassuring humming sound under your feet. It would be comforting if you didn't feel like you were being watched every time you walk along the hallways.

But hey, don't worry about that! Maybe you should be more concerned with the phone in your pocket! The phones have a few functions, as well as a low pixel camera. Pictures are in black and white, so no brightly colored selfies for you. Oh, and while you're taking those selfies, you might notice the symbol of your Avatar tattooed and glowing faintly on the back of your hand. Hope you're fine with impromptu body mods.

Eventually during your wandering, you'll find your room with roommates included! On the floor of your room, there is a big gift box with your name on it. Upon opening it, you will be absolutely obliterated with glittery confetti. But once you manage to get past that, the gift box contains the following:

✦ your item from home
✦ a pair of boxer-briefs labeled "ball hammock"
✦ a stress ball that looks suspiciously like a boob
✦ a rainbow bath bomb
✦ a Polaroid camera with 10 instant film
✦ a frozen steak in a vacuum-sealed pouch
✦ a blue and pink dual flashlight; one end has a normal white bulb, and one end has a blacklight bulb
✦ a tiny crown

Welcome to your new home. Take some time to look around, talk to your fellow indulgers. All of you can see each other's symbols on the back of your hands - maybe it'll strike up a conversation. After all, there's no better way to get to know each other than talking about your sins on the first date!

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Comments

[bachelorbored]

I'm not certain that an oven is the equivalent of hot magma.

[alteracion]

You're right! Maybe a microwave would be closer.

[bachelorbored]

That sounds just technologically advanced enough to be correct!

Come, Sam! Let's yeet the ring into Mt Microwave!

[alteracion]

Anyone ever tell you you're a total dork?

[ but she absolutely goes with, because? wanton destruction ]

[bachelorbored]

Only people who don't matter to me!

[they're going! to the kitchen!!

he's putting the ring inside the microwave!!!]

O-kay, how many minutes?

[alteracion]

Oh, at least thirty.

[ maximum...chaos ]

[bachelorbored]

[he keys it in.]

Hmm.

[he adds another zero, for good measure.

it now reads 300:00]

There.

[START]

Burn, baby, burn!

[alteracion]

[ grace casually puts some distance between herself and the microwave in the guise of sitting on a far counter to wait it out ]

It might take a bit, gold takes forever to melt.

[ they're going to start a fire like, immediately ]

[bachelorbored]

Oh, really? That's microwaves for you. Even taking into account the fact that gold is the softest of metals, they can't measure up to the pure power and might of mother nature!

[he toddles off after grace, looking around at the vending machines.]

This puts me in the mood for a snack. Chocolate lava cakes, maybe?

[alteracion]

[ she's definitely got a "what the FUCK is he ON ABOUT" look to her face, but: ]

Oooh, hit me up with one of those. I've got some whipped cream!

[ because she stole a can of it. yes. she just has that on herself now. ]

[bachelorbored]

Coming right up, via my own two hands!

[he's punching in a lava cake! here come some lava cakes!

he hands one to grace]

M'lady.

[alteracion]

Aw, thanks. If you tip your hat at me, I'm gone.

[ she says that but she is taking out a can of whipped cream to generously pour some over both of them, while the microwave makes an ominous noise... ]

[bachelorbored]

[kaz brightens considerably at the addition of the whipped cream.]

We're making this a truly decadent experience!

[and then

GOOP goes the microwave

covering both kaz and grace in nickelodeon-style neon green gak slime, absolutely ruining their attire, and their snacks.

kaz throws his fork on the ground in disgust.]

This is definitely not how Return of the King went!

[alteracion]

[ there's just a frustrated kind of noise from grace as she throws her whole snack away ]

Ugh does this happen every time you try to break anything here? Why is it all filled with goo?!

[bachelorbored]

This happened with something else?

[he kicks some goo out of the way.]

On the plus side, we probably did finish our mission. Ring: fucked.

[alteracion]

The TV in the common room. [ and she huffs at that ] Is it, or is it still standing but with goo on it? It's not like it's easy to check.

[bachelorbored]

Oh. Gross. I seriously don't care enough to check.

Let's get out of here. My appetite for adventure is gone.

[alteracion]

And after seeing a lava cake filled up with goo, my actual appetite is gone too.

[ she's still tryin to wrangle the goo off of herself though. again ]

[bachelorbored]

Word. [he's shaking out his cardigan.] I'm skipping this meal, thanks.

Since we're already so gross, I have to admit, it's tempting to choose chaos, and see what else breaks. Wouldn't that be a kind of indulgence, in a way?

[alteracion]

[ hmmmmmmmmmm ]

Okay, but I'm finding a raincoat.

[bachelorbored]

Oh, same for me, thanks!

[he makes no effort to move.]

[alteracion]

[ a beat ]

Yeah, I'm not finding one for you. Grab a plate for armor or something.

[bachelorbored]

[kaz only replies to this with a groan, and hoists himself to his feet.]

Brutal behavior. Maybe there's a trash bag I can use.

[alteracion]

Okay, do you want me to say the obvious joke now or when you're already wearing the trash bag?

[bachelorbored]

I don't know what the joke is, but I don't care to hear it! Fine!

Let's find a raincoat, but if it's Columbia, I'll do without, thanks.